teacher vs. parent

Here's the issue--are the parents you are referring to as "couldn't care less about volunteering" really absent from their child's school and activities because they don't want to participate, can't do it, or don't know how to do it? You were blessed with a very stable parent who was there for you, but you are bringing a different set of expectations with you in the classroom.  The most important thing to remember when you teach at a different kind of school and environment is not to lower your standards, but to understand and adjust your expectations.  I seriously recommend a workshop by Ruby Payne called understanding poverty. This is actually an eye opener when it comes to realizing how children and parents from different cultural and socio-economic backgrounds see the world. Remember, a lot of our kids don't necessarily have a parent. let alone two or a supportive extended family.  It's mostly single moms, grandmothers, or other guardians.  Once you understand their expectations and point of view, then you can reach out to them and have them involved. They just might surprise you.

I agree with JCK. You have to get a feel for the families you are working with at your school. I believe that all parents want their children to succeed, but most of them are not sure how to help or they are so caught up in trying to take care of their families by working to feed and clothe them that they just don't have the time to dedicate to helping with homework or volunteering in the classroom.

I have found that many parents had negative educational experiences and often come to school with that coloring their outlook for their child's education. We have to do our best to show them that we are all in this quest together and they are a vital part. However, you can't lower your expectations for students or allow lack of parental participation to stand in the way of you helping the children to grow.

I really enjoyed reading this blog because I too always had the mother that helped out in the classroom and I thrived on her presence in the classroom. It made me feel good about my school work and I knew that it was important if she made the effort to always be there and help.  I have often wondered as well how my parents will be when I have my own classroom.  I know that each year will vary and that I should not be expecting what I was spoiled with as a children, the presence of a mother in the classroom.  I always know that one day when I have children that I would like to be that mother that is always there, but I have to realize not everyone is like me.  Sometimes I have a hard time understanding why parents would not want to be in their child's class, when in reality most parents probably do care their opportunities are just limited because of their lifestyle.  I would like to look in the Ruby Payne workshop because I want to be able to help my students as well as my parents succeed in the right manner!  Thanks for all of your insights Linus, I always enjoy reading!

Linus, I had the same mother in lower school...the one that always wanted to help out and bring food for the class parties, etc.  At my lower school we never had problems finding parents that wanted to help, we actually had too many.  We were so blessed to have parents that wanted to be involved and encourage their children.  I fear that one year I will not have a helpful group of parents as well.  I can't imagine parents not wanting to help their students! But I loved reading JCK's insight on the stubject.  I totally agree that you need to understand where the child and parents are coming from to know how they can help.  If you understand the child's life at home, you can come up with things that the parents might be able to do to help.  This is a great way to think about it, JCK.  It really showed me that I need to adjust my expectations of the parents based on the school and their lives.  I can't expect to have everything just the way I hope it will be, I need to come to a realization that everyone is different and can help in different ways.  THANK YOU!

I don't think that parents have to be in the classroom to be considered strong parents. My mother was personally never in the classroom becuase she was a teacher herself in a different school. I also never expected her to go on fieldtrips and what not. However, my parents were still very strong influences and motivators for me. THey constantly helped out at home. Some children's parents just don't have time to help out during school hours. Their children could very well still be getting the attention they need.

   If you have trouble with parents not helping their child in any shape or form you really need to help them see the point of education. Like someone else said in this blog, the parents may have had bad expereinces with their own education. Help parents see that you and your teaching are going to help their child suceed in life. Parents have to be at least a little bit invloded in their child's education. If they don't want (or have time to)to give a lot of help at least you could get the parents to just encourage their child to do their best. They don't have to help with homework but at least they could show that doing the homewrok is important.

I have the same concerns for my classroom. My mom was always the one volunteering and coming to help with school events. She also had my two brothers and worked as a nurse. But, as a parent I think you find time for things such as helping out in the classroom. I am always afraid i will get a class where the mothers are all too "busy" to help out. Then, I will be left to pay and do everything on my own. From experienced teachers I have heard that it is kind of a hit or miss situation. Some years you have too many parents that want to volunteer and others you struggle to get enough parents. I guess you just hope for the best and try to get parents involved the best you can!

After reading this blog it made me start thinking. I hate when parents do not want to help out in the classroom. My parents were always involved and I never had to worry about not getting breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I couldn't imagine not being able to have a meal and I feel so bad for the ones that do not get it. I also don't understand when parents do not want to get involved. I'm sure there are some good reasons but I guess since I never had that problem then I don't understand. I am also afraid that I might not have parents involved. I don't know what advice to give you besides that it probably won't happen every year. Just think positive and I hope everything works out.

I have the same concerns.  While I am not a teacher yet, I feel like the reasons I decided to become a teacher are so I can know that each child that walks into my classroom will know what it feels like to be special.  There are always children who do not have parents who are involved or they have to go without.  I fear the same things that you have expressed.  I think we just have to know as teachers that we will be able to make each and every student feel special in some way.  You can always send letters out to each parent inviting them to come into the classroom and see what goes on, or perhaps you could send a letter out expressing the children's desire to have a party and ask that parents respond and let you know how they wish to help.  That way if you see that a child's parents are not willing to get involved, you can maybe make another effort or you could let that student do something special for the party themselves.  I fear that I will not be able to make a difference in each student's life, but at the end of the day, I just have to know that I was called to be a teacher for a reason.  It takes an extraordinary person to be a teacher, and I know that since you have these fears and concerns that you will do just fine as a teacher.  Your students are very lucky to have a teacher that cares! Hope everything gets better.

Something that a very wise teacher once told me is that you cannot do it all, but having a caring passionate heart is the key and it sounds like you are that and much more. I am in early-childhood education studying to be the very thing that you have described in your blog, and I have seen some really neat ideas that have worked for various teachers. One idea that I am ready to try when I finish is to have a bulletin board that has a list of the supplies that your children, classroom or others things that you need for your classroom. I feel that this lets the parents see what is needed and help out when they can. Another idea that I think will work is to post on the same bulletin board the days that you will need volunteers and also you may want to ask some of the parents if they would like to help. I have found that when you ask for help students parents usually will respond with open arms. One thing that is very important for you to remember is that all children are not as luck as we were with a mom that could help out. Some children's parents are doing the best that they can just to put food on the table. Unfortunately, this is sad for that child, but some parents may seem like they do not help there children, but they are doing the best they can.

I am a fifth grade teacher. At the beginning of the school year I send home a list of school supplies each student needs, and a copy of the classroom for the parents to sign. This also has the consequences-good and bad- that go along with the rules. That's it.

I do not expect parents to bombard my classroom, but I tell them at the first parent-teacher conference that they are welcome to stop by at any time to see what we are doing. I know that parents need to work, therefore I do not expect them to be in and out of my classroom all the time. If I need volunteers for any reason, I send a letter home. The parents usually send a response indicating their ability or inability to participate. I never think of a non-participating parent any less than I do a parent who is ready and able to get involved. Different people have different obligations, and some of us cannot get out of work to be in the classroom all the time.

My job is to educate the student. The parent's job is to make sure that the student is ready and able to learn-that means getting eough sleep , a good breakfast, getting to school on time, and not exposed to stresses that will negatively affect performance in the classroom. I do not expect parents to teach the student-that is my job. I just want them to ensure that the homework is done, and to provide assistance only if they can help the child understand what to do. Too often children turn in homework that was done by the parents, and the student does not have a clue how the work was done.

So, let's give the parents a break. be specific, and tell them what you want from them. And remember, if the student cannot do the work in class, he or she will not be able to do it at home..

At our school, I have not had parents help in the classroom for at least 10 years.  That is because most of them work now.  It is the only way families can make ends meet.  It is also very hard on the kids.  It is true that some parents don't want to be involved in their children's education, but you can have family evenings that will get them there.  Where as I did not see parents at conferences, I did see them at the Halloween carnival and the Christmas performance and craft night.  Also, if you have food, they will come.